I appreciate your suggestion of directly asking my neighbor what his problem with me is, but there are a few obstacles in the way of this endeavor:

1. I am not allowed on his property! I’m not sure what the repercussions of actually stepping on his property are, but I’m a little afraid of what they might be. Since the snowfall he may be hiding a laser security system under all that white stuff, and I like my feet a lot. I may consider tunneling under his property since according to law, we only own the first six feet of depth of our property, and Canada owns the rest. But this leaves the question, “Am I trespassing on Canada’s property if I tunnel below six feet?" Also, if I do manage to make it to his property, there is still a barrier consisting of six feet of rock, dirt and concrete. If I yell loud enough, maybe…But my neighbor may think it’s a ghost or something. He has exhibited paranoid qualities. I’m so confused!
   
2. Before I was banished from his property, we had attempted to knock on his door to apologize for the earlier mentioned dog trespass. On four occasions (maybe five, actually), either Michelle or I went up to his front door, knocked or rang the bell and were left waiting outside to no answer. On more than one occasion Michelle swears she heard noises coming from inside, too. It is very apparent that he doesn’t want to talk to us. I have seen him barbequing every once in a while (not since the temp dropped to -25, though), and I can only hope that my nude sunbathing hasn’t put him off his dinner. Also, I have considered standing in front of his house and screaming his name alla Marlin Brando style, but I thought he may get the wrong impression from the bouquet of roses and champagne I was carrying.
   
3. I have already introduced myself to him, and unless he has a very bad short term memory, I’m pretty sure he knows I’m approachable. Lot’s of people approach me all the time. Many people of different size, race and smell. Just the other day an individual approached me and said, “Gimme your wallet!” I had to remind him of the magic word, so he scuffed the ground with the toe of his shoe, looked all shy and bashful when he corrected himself by saying, “Please gimme your wallet!” (Note: I have never been mugged, so mom, quit worrying! I was only kidding.)

If I do happen to see him out of his fortress of solitude, I will approach my neighbor and say, “Wassup?!” Until I do see him, I will also be looking for the mythical sasquatch and maybe the Lochness monster swimming down the Bow River, as well.

Michelle made me see the new Bond flick on Saturday. Contrary to what you might think, I’ve never really like the Pierce Brosnan Bond flicks. I’ve found them too, what’s the word, over the top. That’s actually words not word, but you know what I mean. One of the Brosnan Bond flicks featured a drill bit missile that went slowly through ships and was able to change direction, as well. Another featured an invisible car. I know I’m supposed to suspend belief, but, “Come on!” So after seeing Casino Royale, all I have to say is: